Roadhouse Resort
by Castiella
Summary: Castiel is forced to go a nudist resort for a family vacation with his older brothers.  He's sure it's going to be hell until he meets the two nephews of the owner.  Now, it's still going to be hell, just more of trying-not-to-pop-a-boner kind.  Destiel.


**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Supernatural.**

**RATING: M for language and grumpy!Castiel, serious!Michael, snarky!Lucifer, and pervert!Gabriel. Damn, I love grumpy!Cas. Also features sailormouth!Castiel. Most of the characters are OOC. This little one-shot is humor/parody/romance. Just a FYI. Also, I'm using young!John as Michael and Nick!Lucifer.**

**{This was first posted on my Tumblr. Thechief426(dot)tumblr(dot)com.}**

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><p><span>THE ROADHOUSE RESORT<span>

"You have got to be fucking kidding me, Michael." Castiel began, toast falling from his mouth back onto the plate. "There is no way in _hell_ I'm going."

"Yes. You will go. This is a family trip and since you are a part of this family, that means you are going." Michael said, not phased in the slightest at the livid nature of his youngest brother. Michael straightened out the paper he was trying to read, while sipping his coffee. "Lucifer and Gabriel don't have a problem with going."

Castiel scoffed. "That's because Lucifer doesn't give a shit either way and Gabriel has _got _to be the biggest pervert this side of the west coast. Of course, they don't _have a problem with it._"

"Cassie, I'm hurt that you think so low of me." Gabriel said, walking into the kitchen, as he placed a hand over his heart dramatically. "I'm not that big of a pervert."

"I'm definitely calling bullshit on that one, Gabe." Lucifer yawned, walking in behind him and taking a seat next to Michael at the table.

"Thank you!" Castiel said, throwing his hands in the air. "I mean, he practically stalked that guy, Ash, at the gym, remember? He even got a restraining order as soon as he caught on. This trip is sure to get Gabriel arrested for lewd and lascivious conduct in public. In fact, we should probably take bail money."

Lucifer laughed, almost choking on the piece of apple he had just bitten off.

"Anyway," Michael intervened. "Castiel, you're going. Make sure to pack for a week."

"What?" Castiel started up yelling again. "A week? I won't survive a whole week, Michael!"

"Please stop with the theatrics, Castiel. I'm off to work now." Michael said, getting up and grabbing his briefcase. "And, don't try to weasel out of this. I know for a fact that your university has spring break next week and since I also know you don't have prior academic engagements, you will be coming with us. I do not want to hear anymore about it unless you are singing joyous hymns about the upcoming trip."

As soon as the front door closed and Michael was on his way, Castiel screamed. "Damn it! I don't want to go to some stupid fucking nudist resort!"

Lucifer and Gabriel burst out laughing.

"I swear to all that is holy, if I see even _one_ old man with his nut-sack leaving a trail in the sand, I'm going to murder everyone." Castiel yelled, stomping up the stairs, which made Lucifer and Gabriel laugh harder.

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><p>Castiel was decidedly not happy. He was currently packing for the trip to hell. They were leaving tomorrow at the freakin' ass crack of dawn and he still hadn't been able to wiggle his way out of this trip. Why did Michael have to drag him into this? Of all the half-cocked vacations he planned, this one was sure to be the worse. Seriously, who the hell vacations at a nudist resort? His three (dumbass) brothers, that's who. As Castiel shoved the last of his clothes and other amenities into his duffel bag, he sighed deeply. He zippered up the bag with way more force than was strictly necessary and threw it down near his door and glared down balefully at the harmless object. After three minutes of seeing if he could make his duffel burst into flame with his mind, he got ready for bed.<p>

"Fuck my life." Castiel thought.

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><p>Castiel yelled as Gabriel flung the covers off his body.<p>

"Why are all the shittin' lights on?" he said, burying his head under his pillow to try and block out the blasphemous light, only to have Lucifer walk in and snatch it up.

"Come on, Cassie. We have to get ready." Lucifer smiled down at him. "We're going to be late."

"We have a resort to get to!" Gabriel chirped happily, pulling on Castiel's ankles.

Castiel grudgingly got out of the bed and went to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

"I wonder why he's so grumpy this morning." Michael stated as he walked past Castiel's bedroom door.

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><p>Three and a half hours later found the four brothers pulling into the parking lot of the Roadhouse Resort. Michael got out, followed by the others to the small building that served as Check-In.<p>

"I wonder if there's going to be any hot guys around here." Gabriel asked, looking around inside the small room and pulling pamphlets off a rack. "Don't you, Cassie?"

Castiel was leaning against the wall with his eyes tightly shut as if to will himself away from the place. There was a jingle of bells, but he ignored it in favor of answering Gabriel's question.

"Hell, no. In fact, I hope I don't see another living person while I'm here. I'm here because I must have fucked somebody over in a past life and this is somehow some weird karmic retribution. And, the chances of any hot guys being here is slim to none, Gabriel. Only old perverts go to nudist resorts."

"Well, damn, Sammy. Never knew we were old perverts. Did you?" A male voice asked, amused.

Castiel wrenched his eyes open so fast, he thought they would pop right out of the sockets. He spotted two males. They looked to be brothers. One of them was tall and obviously the younger of the two. The shorter one was the one who spoke. Castiel took him in. Short, dark hair. Forrest green eyes. Both of them were shirtless, only wearing some (very) loose swim trunks that fell (very) low on their hips and a pair of cheap dollar store flipflops.

"_Fuck, he _is_ hot._" Castiel thought, his face flushing scarlet.

Gabriel and Lucifer laughed at Castiel's sudden embarrassment, while Michael just ignored it and continued to check in, filling in the necessary paperwork.

"Oh, what was that now, dear Cassie?" Gabriel taunted, flinging an around around Castiel's shoulders. "Slim to none, you said?"

"Okay, I got two rooms." Michael said breaking the silence, oblivious to what had just transpired. "Me and Luce are on the second floor while you and Gabriel are on the third."

"Sweet." Gabriel said, moving his arm off of Castiel in favor of catching their room key.

"We're on the third floor, too." The tall guy suddenly said.

"Really?" Gabriel asked, smirking.

"Uh, really." The tall guy replied, not noticing the appreciative leer being sent his way. "I'm Sam, by the way. This, here, is my brother Dean."

Dean gave a short little wave in their general direction.

"Really?" Gabriel asked, again, his voice pitched higher and sending a shit-eating grin in Castiel's direction. "You hear that, Cassie? His name is Dean."

Castiel rolled his eyes at his brother, determined not to let him get to him. "Yeah, I heard it. Considering I'm not ten feet from the guy. And just a warning, Gabe, you better not take your inevitable fuckfest to our room, or I will dump that three pound bag of laffy taffy you stashed into the nearest pool."

Gabriel looked absolutely horrified. "How the fuck did you know about that?"

Castiel just smirked. "Oh, I have my ways."

"It was Lucifer, wasn't it?" Gabriel asked, heatedly. "Little rat bastard. He's the only one who knew I even bought it."

"Hey!" Lucifer interjected. "Don't talk about me like I'm not here!"

Gabriel was about to yell at Lucifer when the two brothers started laughing.

"I'm guessin' you guys do this often." Dean asked.

"Go to nudist's resorts?" Gabriel asked, confused.

"That'll be a hell no." Castiel supplied, helpfully.

"No, argue about trivial things." Sam said, still chuckling. "You sound kinda like me and Dean. Except with Dean, it's about pie and not candy."

Dean pulled a face. "It's because pie's not a joking matter, Sammy."

Sam gave Dean a look that said he was clearly not amused. "Don't call me Sammy, Dean."

Dean chuckled. "Come on, we'll help you settle in and then me and Sam can show you around the place."

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><p><strong>Okay, this is part 1 of probably 3 or 4 parts. It'll will be updated when I have time. I wrote this part a while ago. I wanted it to be a oneshot. But, I think it'll be a very short little piece instead. Yeah.. uhh..review?<strong>


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